Life Update: new job, STI’s, am I a phony??

Thumbnail art by Joan Cornelia (edited by me)

It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these life updates. How are you? How are things? Have you drank water today? Are you using your mobile data? Are there any cups in your bedroom you need to take to the kitchen? Bring back a little treat while you’re there because this blog is a special one. This blog is the official hard launch of my new career. 

Yes, the rumours are true. I got a job! I literally interviewed on a Tuesday, started on Wednesday, and a month later here we are; a studio assistant at a creative design agency! 

I interviewed with the CEO along with the person I’d be reporting to. Considering my toxic relationship with job applications, I didn’t expect much from this interview. The best case scenario for me at that point was being able to report a job interview for Centrelink. However, this “I’ve got nothing to lose” attitude worked in my favour. I allowed myself to speak candidly and crack a few jokes here and there in the interview. The banter was matched and the flags were green. They told me they had another candidate coming in after me, to which I replied “I’ll break their legs”. They seemed to like that because as I was exiting my way down the stairwell, I was called back inside to be congratulated. They had given me the job. There was no longer a need to break anyone’s legs. It’s a pretty slick agency in St Kilda. Working as a studio assistant, I do a lot of things here and there. I like to best describe it as Year 12 VisCom without the sense of impending doom that only comes with a folio subject. The days are longer than what I’m used to, but at least I get to sit in a well-ventilated office without having to worry about covering anyone’s shift. I can go for a coffee whenever I want, I can wear my vans, I can relish in the greatness of public holidays. She’s a full-time working girly!!! 

I will admit though, I did have a bit of the quarter-life scaries. Now that I’m working 40 hours and cheerleading 10 hours a week, how will I find the time for my freelancing? Will it just be a side hustle? Or is it still something I want to pursue as a main source of income? If it’s the latter, how am I supposed to juggle that with full-time work? Well, as my mum says; “take it one day at a time”, This new routine is all very new and it’s going to take some time for things to slide perfectly into place. This isn’t the end of the world, it’s just the beginning, and I will find the time for things I love. I mean, did you see the photos I took from States the other week?

I’m going to quickly skip over the second point in the blog title and explain to you why I’m a phony. I had an article published online recently, exploring some of the top notch character development I have experienced lately. “Sexual Liberation is Non-Linear” is an article I wrote exploring my journey to becoming sexually liberated. Spoiler alert: abstaining from sex is what made me feel most empowered. I no longer wanted to compromise on my yearning for emotional intimacy. Spending hours swiping on dating apps was exciting at first, but I found that the constant pressure to adhere to the male gaze started to become tedious and demoralising. Casual sex no longer made me happy, and I had to regain control and start respecting my own boundaries. I went on a 162-day dating app detox, I didn’t have sex for 9 months, and while that could mostly be due to moving back in with my parents, the idea of sex didn’t appeal to me. However, when that article was released, I had re-downloaded Hinge and been on a date. ARREST ME! I had to stop lying to myself; I missed the validation from a man. And that’s okay! It’s perfectly normal to crave intimacy! I’m not going to punish myself for wanting to pursue love. Anyway, I went on a date. It went great, and although I said to myself I wasn’t going to sleep with him that night, horny monkey brain kicked in after five gin and tonics. We went on a second date which wasn’t as great as the first, and then on the third I was friendzoned. It was the classic “I really love hanging out with you, but as friends”. Considering we boinked on the first date and barely touched on the second, it wasn’t too much of a blow. I wasn’t annoyed that he didn’t see a romantic relationship with me, I was annoyed that he’d think I’d settle for a friendship. The phony part? I DID! I was really out here sending TikToks and dead Queen memes, giggling while twirling my hair and twiddling my thumbs. There was one instance however where I really lost sight of myself and my boundaries. We went to the movies recently and he invited me back to his house. I’ll be honest, part of me thought we were going to have sex. When we got there, he clarified that he was genuinely looking to just hang out, and apologised if I had gotten the wrong idea. I was in two minds about this. He was completely right to set those boundaries, and I praise him for having always been transparent about his feelings. However, I was frustrated. Not so much at him, but at myself. I told myself I was looking for a long-term relationship. I told myself not to settle for anything less. I told myself that I won’t allow people access to me when they don't deserve it. What did I do? Go over to a guy’s house who has very clearly stated he just wants to be friends, and assume I’m getting something I’m very clearly not. 

I’m annoyed that I went 6 months without dating apps, 6 months of putting a cage around my heart, only to meet one man and completely undo the work I did on myself and neglect all the boundaries I put in place. Embarrassing! As Princess Carolyn would say; “So yesterday you let yourself fall in love a little bit and you got your heart broken. Serves you right for having feelings”.  Moving forward I need to be more vigilant. I need to assert my boundaries and not settle for crumbs when I deserve the whole cake. 

I guess now is a good time to revert back to “celibacy” anyway. If you don’t already know, I am the biggest advocate for STI awareness. Recently I tested positive for HPV; human papillomavirus, NOT to be confused with HIV or HSV (herpes). Most people are vaccinated against it during their high school vaccinations, but since the vaccine was only introduced in 2007, my mum advised me not to get it (IS MY MUM ANTI-VAX?! NOT CLICKBAIT!). HPV is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections that usually show no symptoms and go away by itself. There is currently no way of testing for HPV in men, but for women (and in my case) it can be detected through a cervical screening. Although condoms help with preventing the spread of HPV, it can also spread through skin-to-skin contact. In 9/10 cases, HPV goes away by itself, however there is the possibility of cancer developing up to a decade after being exposed. Additionally, HPV can also lay dormant in the body for up to 20 years. There is currently no cure for HPV which sounds scary, but only 4.5% percent of cancers diagnosed yearly are attributed to HPV. Unlike other STI’s such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and herpes, it is not compulsory to disclose your diagnoses with current, past, and future sexual partners. While I value transparency, at the end of the day it’s important to not be a dickhead. Having HPV, or any other STI, doesn’t make you dirty. It doesn’t make you less worthy. Shit happens. When I last wrote about having chlamydia, I was inundated with messages (3), seeking advice, and generally thanking me for speaking up about such a stigmatised topic. If I can make at least one person comfortable about a diagnosis, then my job here is done. 

Anyway, that’s my life update. I hope by now you’ve eaten your yummy snack and your dishwasher full of dirty glasses is ready to be turned on. Hit me up if you have any questions on the themes discussed in this post xoxoox